Today was my youngest first school program. WOW!
First I need to go back and tell you all about being a mom. When I was young all I wanted to be was a mom! Now I have been blessed with three beautiful amazing children that drive me up a wall. This is where you laugh out loud!
Two weeks ago the end of school programs began. First was Tony. He is now in the 5th grade and his Band performed with the 6th grade band. He is first chair trumpet. He looked so handsome sitting up on that stage. I never dreamed in a million years that my son would be a trumpet player but he is really good. I am shocked and mesmerized by his ability. I can barely pull a note out of that thing and yet he can do whole songs. When the band started the music really flowed. It was wonderful to hear the precision of these young musicians. I wanted to cry it was all so wonderful. Of course when it was over and pictures began...Tony wanted out. He is embarrassed by his mom taking a ton of pictures. Too bad. I love to brag on my boy and will continue to do so. He needs to be spoiled.
So today it was my youngest, Abigial Rose. She was in the front row with her Lia, grass skirt, flower in her hair and all! She walked in and got her place in line. She looked over and saw her Daddy. Her face lit up. She was now performing for her Daddy! With her bright face glowing she sang her heart out. She was an angel of stunning grace. She sang her songs to Jesus and all I wanted to do was well up with tears. It was a beautiful thing.
Next week, Ashlynn! Kindergarten graduation! Can you believe it! My baby girl is graduating kindergarten and going to be a first grader. She has matured so much in this past year. The school, the teacher, the friends, it has been a banner year. God has blessed us so much. Next Thursday will be full of excitement and glory for the summer!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Fears
My parents are selling their home and moving. This is a huge hurdle for them and for our family. We grew up in SLC, UT and now there will be no traveling there. I hope to return to ski but without a place to stay... Colorado might be calling.
I am concerned about my father. At age 86, legally blind and getting a bit of dementia, I fear this move for him. I am concerned that he will get scared and leave his new place and not know where he is. As nutty as it sounds, a definite concern. Will this type of move kill my father? Will be become a hermit because it will all be so new? Will he lose all his independence?
I do have the world best daddy. He has always been my knight in shining armor. Always there to love me unconditionally. He is the one person in my life that means more to me that anything. he gave me everything I have. He gave me strength, knowledge, faith, courage and determination. He gave me love above all other things. My dad has been my hero since I was a little little girl. I can not image a life without him. Every time I see my Dad, I see him age. But in my heart he is still the tall image of strength and courage. Dad never met anyone that did not like him. I had friends that liked my Dad more than me. Literally! He would go to the grocery store and have a doughnut and coffee and talk to my friends that worked there. Well, they were classmates. Dad moving is scary. Will he continue to get the care he needs for his health? Will my sister be able to check in with them and really take care of them? I know that at his age Dad has seen a lot in life and is not afraid of being old. This change though...will it be too much?
I can only pray that my Dad is strong and that God has a plan for his life. I need to let go and allow God to finish His plan. Even when it goes against my plan. Since a child, I said my dad would live forever. May God allow that to happen! Laugh!
I am concerned about my father. At age 86, legally blind and getting a bit of dementia, I fear this move for him. I am concerned that he will get scared and leave his new place and not know where he is. As nutty as it sounds, a definite concern. Will this type of move kill my father? Will be become a hermit because it will all be so new? Will he lose all his independence?
I do have the world best daddy. He has always been my knight in shining armor. Always there to love me unconditionally. He is the one person in my life that means more to me that anything. he gave me everything I have. He gave me strength, knowledge, faith, courage and determination. He gave me love above all other things. My dad has been my hero since I was a little little girl. I can not image a life without him. Every time I see my Dad, I see him age. But in my heart he is still the tall image of strength and courage. Dad never met anyone that did not like him. I had friends that liked my Dad more than me. Literally! He would go to the grocery store and have a doughnut and coffee and talk to my friends that worked there. Well, they were classmates. Dad moving is scary. Will he continue to get the care he needs for his health? Will my sister be able to check in with them and really take care of them? I know that at his age Dad has seen a lot in life and is not afraid of being old. This change though...will it be too much?
I can only pray that my Dad is strong and that God has a plan for his life. I need to let go and allow God to finish His plan. Even when it goes against my plan. Since a child, I said my dad would live forever. May God allow that to happen! Laugh!
Losing a piece of me
Well, the news hit today like a two ton heavy thing. Mom and Dad are selling their home, my home. Where I spent most of my childhood and adult life. I was married in that house. My first child was born and lived in that house. It is a piece of me that someone else will be living in. There will be no reason to go back to SLC. I am lost. I am feeling a loss.
When we moved to that house Dad planted a blue spruce. It was short, fat and we never dreamed it would grow. Over the years that tree grew and grew. I would put christmas tree lights on it and after several year...i could not reach the top. Then we had to pull it out. It got to big. I cried. It was a beautful tree, one that saw so much of my life.
Growing up in that house was an adventure. When we moved in I "shared" a bedroom with my sister. She was at the University of Utah and probably slept there ten times in those first few years in that house. Mom and Dad got tired of their small bed and kicked me out. Not really. It just became apparent that they needed more room than I did. We switched bedrooms. My brother always had the bedroom downstairs. It was a weird, dark and scary place. I always thought it was overrun with spiders. So, I would never want to stay down there. For years I had the room off the kitchen. It was a noisy room but it was mine. I would watch tv on mom and dad's kingsize bed and when it was time for bed...I would race Maggie the family dog. She would sit by my dad...i would walk about half way there. Dad would say, on your mark, get set, go! I would run for dear life and Maggie would be in hot pursuit. I would leap onto the bed, Maggie would jump up and go for my face trying as best she could to kiss it. It was a great way to go to bed.
Several years later my brother moved out and I realized that downstairs bedroom was a lot better than the one I had. First of all it had a full walk in closet. I could put a twin bed in there. i would have total privacy instead of sharing a bathroom with Daddy. When we decided I would move downstairs I actaully got to pick put wallpaper. We had red, red carpet. Not a lot went with that carpet. I finally found one that I liked. It was a small print of strawberries and the vines they were on. At the time I felt I had picked a pattern that was adult. Now I look at it and cringe. Actaully it is not bad and we had a ton of fun adding to it. I started to get a lot of Strawberry Shortcake items that fit the theme. I loved rearranging the room whenever I felt like it. Mom and Dad rarely came down. The privacy thing was amazing. It was as if I lived in my own apartment. i never had to share a bathroom until company came. Then the basement became hotel central. I still loved it. I had friends that loved coming over and playing Atari, playing the pool table. It was a great place to grow up. I tried once or twice to sneak out but fear took over. i could never climb out of that basement window. It was a lot deeper than it looked.
The piano was behind a small wall. i could easily torment my brother as he played. i loved to run by and try and close the piano as he played. When I tried...he would stop and stand up. He would become stiff, and call out " Find, kill, destroy!" i would scream. he would chase me and mom would always ask, "what did you do?". For years I tinkered on that piano. John was a much better pianist than i was but I liked to think I was pretty good. I dreamed of playing a big concert for a lot of people but I did not have the gift.
The kitchen was always the heartbeat of the house. We found out Cathy was pregnant for the first time when she fainted and hit her head on the stove. Lots of laughter came from that room and many nights of really great food. When my son was born, we would place a thick quilt on the kitchen counter and lay him down. Mom would watch with intensity as he would coo and turn. I would cook dinner and our main attention was on Anthony.
We had wedding showers for Cathy, baby showers for Tony, so many friends and family. I know it is just a home but it was my home. One that now I will never go back to. There won't be a reason to go back. There is no more tie to SLC for me. No reason to go back to my old church were many of my friends still are. Why am i such a baby about all of this? It is just a house. We were not the first ones there but we were the longest residents. It is our home. I am sure that is how my children feel about our present home.
I still feel a bit of loss knowing that I won't be in that house anymore. It is sad and a longing that in time will go away. Bye SLC!
When we moved to that house Dad planted a blue spruce. It was short, fat and we never dreamed it would grow. Over the years that tree grew and grew. I would put christmas tree lights on it and after several year...i could not reach the top. Then we had to pull it out. It got to big. I cried. It was a beautful tree, one that saw so much of my life.
Growing up in that house was an adventure. When we moved in I "shared" a bedroom with my sister. She was at the University of Utah and probably slept there ten times in those first few years in that house. Mom and Dad got tired of their small bed and kicked me out. Not really. It just became apparent that they needed more room than I did. We switched bedrooms. My brother always had the bedroom downstairs. It was a weird, dark and scary place. I always thought it was overrun with spiders. So, I would never want to stay down there. For years I had the room off the kitchen. It was a noisy room but it was mine. I would watch tv on mom and dad's kingsize bed and when it was time for bed...I would race Maggie the family dog. She would sit by my dad...i would walk about half way there. Dad would say, on your mark, get set, go! I would run for dear life and Maggie would be in hot pursuit. I would leap onto the bed, Maggie would jump up and go for my face trying as best she could to kiss it. It was a great way to go to bed.
Several years later my brother moved out and I realized that downstairs bedroom was a lot better than the one I had. First of all it had a full walk in closet. I could put a twin bed in there. i would have total privacy instead of sharing a bathroom with Daddy. When we decided I would move downstairs I actaully got to pick put wallpaper. We had red, red carpet. Not a lot went with that carpet. I finally found one that I liked. It was a small print of strawberries and the vines they were on. At the time I felt I had picked a pattern that was adult. Now I look at it and cringe. Actaully it is not bad and we had a ton of fun adding to it. I started to get a lot of Strawberry Shortcake items that fit the theme. I loved rearranging the room whenever I felt like it. Mom and Dad rarely came down. The privacy thing was amazing. It was as if I lived in my own apartment. i never had to share a bathroom until company came. Then the basement became hotel central. I still loved it. I had friends that loved coming over and playing Atari, playing the pool table. It was a great place to grow up. I tried once or twice to sneak out but fear took over. i could never climb out of that basement window. It was a lot deeper than it looked.
The piano was behind a small wall. i could easily torment my brother as he played. i loved to run by and try and close the piano as he played. When I tried...he would stop and stand up. He would become stiff, and call out " Find, kill, destroy!" i would scream. he would chase me and mom would always ask, "what did you do?". For years I tinkered on that piano. John was a much better pianist than i was but I liked to think I was pretty good. I dreamed of playing a big concert for a lot of people but I did not have the gift.
The kitchen was always the heartbeat of the house. We found out Cathy was pregnant for the first time when she fainted and hit her head on the stove. Lots of laughter came from that room and many nights of really great food. When my son was born, we would place a thick quilt on the kitchen counter and lay him down. Mom would watch with intensity as he would coo and turn. I would cook dinner and our main attention was on Anthony.
We had wedding showers for Cathy, baby showers for Tony, so many friends and family. I know it is just a home but it was my home. One that now I will never go back to. There won't be a reason to go back. There is no more tie to SLC for me. No reason to go back to my old church were many of my friends still are. Why am i such a baby about all of this? It is just a house. We were not the first ones there but we were the longest residents. It is our home. I am sure that is how my children feel about our present home.
I still feel a bit of loss knowing that I won't be in that house anymore. It is sad and a longing that in time will go away. Bye SLC!
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