So another death! Lt Justin was a friend of my niece and a really good guy. I know that when these young men and women join the service they know that they could die for their country. It does not release that sting of the pain that follows. Can I give up Death for Lent? So many people have died or lost a loved one in the past two months. 2012 has been a year for it. I can't believe that it is so early in the year and so many funerals. It is sad. It is tragic. I don't believe that due to the Mayan calendar the world will end but 2012 is an end to a lot of things.

I am not sure where to go with this. I am sure that God has his plan and I am sure he sheds tears too. Just wish his plan had a lot less loss.

That is all for now.

Re do!

Have you ever wanted to do a re-do! 2012 is a year that I would love to redo! It has been a year or trials and it is only February! I have always wanted to get my blog moving and as you can see I started more than a year ago. Still not doing well on the blogging! lol

So 2012!
I have never been one to label a year as good or bad. This is a first for me. 2012 has been horrible. At the first of the year my dear father was hospitalized for a fall. By the grace of God he was OK but he lost the muscle tone to get up from a sitting position or be able to walk on his own. They left him in the hospital for several days then began a series of moves that basically ended in a hospice. My sister call on 2/1 telling me to prepare, Dad was not doing well. She stated it would probably be sooner than later for his passing. About twenty minutes later she called again. Dad had passed. He had died in his sleep. What a blessing! I was devastated at first. Robert and I were at the doctor's office and I had to hold it in until we could go outside. Robert was definitely my rock, holding me and letting me know he loved me. I felt safe in his arms. I went home and cried to Mercy Me! I dedicated several songs on my facebook from Mercy Me to my dad.

My dad was a totally amazing man. He loved life and he lead a very simple life. He never wanted to complicate things. He was the oldest of five children. Joined the Marine Corps and served in WWII and Korea. He went to Colorado University and met my mom! They married and had two children then adopted me! Dad was almost perfect. He never yelled. He loved! We went hiking, camping but never swimming. Dad hated cold water. He loved to eat! We had several places in Salt Lake City that we would frequent for a delicious treat. Dad always thought of others and had such honest and ethical values. He was raised with proper parenting and I hope that I have some of that too. His loss is a big one. Dad is missed so much. But I must explain more!

During the month of January I lost my position at school. It was a bad thing at first. I was terrible hurt and extremely angry. I took most of my anger out at two people until I could successfully accept my resignation. It was a blow but once again my rock Robert held onto me with steadfast love.

On January 14, 2012 my father-in-law Lisandro had a wet stroke. For a full week we lived in the waiting room of his Nashville, Tennessee. He would respond well, then go down. Dealing with the stress and praying for his complete recovery was taking a serious toll on us all. After a week, the doctor's took Lisandro into surgery, drained a large pool of blood and found a small blood vessel that was "leaking". Praise God....he is recovering at home today! He lost the ability to swallow and lives with a feeding tube which breaks my heart! But he looks good and thanks to Skype....we get to see him.

After my father's passing, we left for a week in Vegas. Another week of no schedule, and no direction of where we were going. After the funeral we arrived home.

In December a neighbor's child broke her leg on our trampoline. Now we might get sued! So can I say 2012 is a bad year????

I pray daily that these are small hurdles that we are having to cross to get to the good?! I pray we find peace in every day living. I pray we find understanding and acceptance. I pray for 2012 to turn around and be a blessing instead of a hurdle!

OK, so I am a terrible blogger. I still really don't know what I am doing but have really felt that if I take some time every day or at least a few times a week to write....I will become a blogger. I have decided to restart my devotional writing. Once it was a spark that would open up my heart as well as others. Maybe as a blogger, I can gain an audience on my devotionals and see where God is leading me in regards to my writing.



So my past post may not have made any sense.
Choices.
Everyday we are asked to make a choice. Some of these choices are simple, like the size of our drink at lunch. Other choices are more difficult for example, do you tell your boss about the cheater next to you? Then there are others that lay heavy on your heart, the ones you know you should pray about but you don't. The one's that eat at you all night and all day because you think you can fix it.

I regress. So, choices. When you open your eyes in the morning....this is a gift. One that you can sense. Sometimes you sense that it is going to be a glorious day. You wake with a song in your heart and a smile on your face. Other mornings you wake up, hit that alarm clock over and over hoping it really is Saturday. On these days....you have being given a choice. One that you do have some control over. Most of the time we feel we have no control (even thought there is really only one person ever in control). Control is another post. Anyway...

I feel God has given me the reins of my day. On traveling to work the other day it hit me. I can make a choice to have a good day or not. I can choose to enjoy working or dread getting there. I can choose to be active and proactive at life versus complaining about how much I have to get done and how there is no time in my day. To consciously make a choice that today will be productive and successful is not always easy but when your strongest muscle in your body is your brain....you have a good sense of control over your day. It is all on how you make the choices.

For example, you have a co-worker that you just dread seeing. Everyone has one of these in their office. You can make a conscious choice to change your feeling and reactions to this person. If you have someone that makes you feel threatened, you can make a choice to be a wolf or a lamb.

When you make a choice for your day that things will be good something always happens. Then things start going wrong. You can still make the choice on how to deal with it. Do you allow what went wrong to bother you or control the rest of your day or do you put it in your inbox to deal with later when you have the right mind set. Many times when you go back to your inbox you will find that what upset you at that moment means little or nothing to you now. It is all about changing your mind set to accept what may come but embarrassing what God is giving you. He has given you a conscious to make decisions and make a choice. God will give you the strength, He has given you the tools to do what you need to do. Are you going to pick up the pieces and make choices to improve your day, your year, your life?

What will be your choice today?

Ignorant: lacking knowledge, resulting from or showing lack of knowledge or intelligence, illiterate, uneducated, unlettered

Why does this word fit so many people I know. Lately I feel like I have been surrounded with ignorant people who want people to think that they are the all and knowing type of person. People who are ignorant come in all sorts of packages. Some lie to make life seem better or thy lie to themselves to make themselves look better. Why is not honest the policy? Well, if you can trick your mind to believe one thing then why not live a lie. I think I am full of more questions instead of answers. Ignorance's is bliss they say so I can see why people think this is the place to be. To be blissful sounds nice but why choose ignorance. I have a neighbor who is ignorant to what her children do. Apparently she has two of three kids who are doing drugs. She knows it but doesn't see it. How can you not? Has she done anything to change or eliminate this from her life. No. Ignorance! It is bliss! So what do I do? Well, first I get frustrated then I just tolerate. Why tolerate?

Tolerate: to exhibit physiological tolerance for, allow to be or to be done without hindrance, abide, bear, suffer, stand

I believe that God wants us to be tolerant of others. I believe that God teaches us tolerance when he puts me in these situations where I am surrounded by ignorant people. Being tolerant takes effort and commitment to be that way. When faced with bad juju all around, tolerance is necessary. There is a women on our community Block Watch that has literately taken over and turned things her way. Is she money hungry? There is no money to be made! I think she wants control.

Control: to exercise restraining or directing influence over, dominate, rule

Why control? Why do people not see that control is a illusion that is not real. If you really think about it, what are you in control of? You brain tells your body what to do before you even think about it. To you control when you sneeze? No, your brain does! Do you control your kids? Now that is a joke! Do you control other people? I know people that try but who is ultimately in control? God! He made this world he controls it. So why do people want to control? What about them makes them want to hold on and try to be in control when they never really are? It seems like so much effort for nothing.

God is in my corner and through His son's name I will survive. I need God and He needs me! I am blessed to have such a God that loves me and takes care of me. If it wasn't for Him....I would be like the rest of the ignorant, controling people! Thank you God!

Proud Mama

Today was my youngest first school program. WOW!

First I need to go back and tell you all about being a mom. When I was young all I wanted to be was a mom! Now I have been blessed with three beautiful amazing children that drive me up a wall. This is where you laugh out loud!

Two weeks ago the end of school programs began. First was Tony. He is now in the 5th grade and his Band performed with the 6th grade band. He is first chair trumpet. He looked so handsome sitting up on that stage. I never dreamed in a million years that my son would be a trumpet player but he is really good. I am shocked and mesmerized by his ability. I can barely pull a note out of that thing and yet he can do whole songs. When the band started the music really flowed. It was wonderful to hear the precision of these young musicians. I wanted to cry it was all so wonderful. Of course when it was over and pictures began...Tony wanted out. He is embarrassed by his mom taking a ton of pictures. Too bad. I love to brag on my boy and will continue to do so. He needs to be spoiled.

So today it was my youngest, Abigial Rose. She was in the front row with her Lia, grass skirt, flower in her hair and all! She walked in and got her place in line. She looked over and saw her Daddy. Her face lit up. She was now performing for her Daddy! With her bright face glowing she sang her heart out. She was an angel of stunning grace. She sang her songs to Jesus and all I wanted to do was well up with tears. It was a beautiful thing.

Next week, Ashlynn! Kindergarten graduation! Can you believe it! My baby girl is graduating kindergarten and going to be a first grader. She has matured so much in this past year. The school, the teacher, the friends, it has been a banner year. God has blessed us so much. Next Thursday will be full of excitement and glory for the summer!

Fears

My parents are selling their home and moving. This is a huge hurdle for them and for our family. We grew up in SLC, UT and now there will be no traveling there. I hope to return to ski but without a place to stay... Colorado might be calling.

I am concerned about my father. At age 86, legally blind and getting a bit of dementia, I fear this move for him. I am concerned that he will get scared and leave his new place and not know where he is. As nutty as it sounds, a definite concern. Will this type of move kill my father? Will be become a hermit because it will all be so new? Will he lose all his independence?

I do have the world best daddy. He has always been my knight in shining armor. Always there to love me unconditionally. He is the one person in my life that means more to me that anything. he gave me everything I have. He gave me strength, knowledge, faith, courage and determination. He gave me love above all other things. My dad has been my hero since I was a little little girl. I can not image a life without him. Every time I see my Dad, I see him age. But in my heart he is still the tall image of strength and courage. Dad never met anyone that did not like him. I had friends that liked my Dad more than me. Literally! He would go to the grocery store and have a doughnut and coffee and talk to my friends that worked there. Well, they were classmates. Dad moving is scary. Will he continue to get the care he needs for his health? Will my sister be able to check in with them and really take care of them? I know that at his age Dad has seen a lot in life and is not afraid of being old. This change though...will it be too much?

I can only pray that my Dad is strong and that God has a plan for his life. I need to let go and allow God to finish His plan. Even when it goes against my plan. Since a child, I said my dad would live forever. May God allow that to happen! Laugh!

Losing a piece of me

Well, the news hit today like a two ton heavy thing. Mom and Dad are selling their home, my home. Where I spent most of my childhood and adult life. I was married in that house. My first child was born and lived in that house. It is a piece of me that someone else will be living in. There will be no reason to go back to SLC. I am lost. I am feeling a loss.
When we moved to that house Dad planted a blue spruce. It was short, fat and we never dreamed it would grow. Over the years that tree grew and grew. I would put christmas tree lights on it and after several year...i could not reach the top. Then we had to pull it out. It got to big. I cried. It was a beautful tree, one that saw so much of my life.

Growing up in that house was an adventure. When we moved in I "shared" a bedroom with my sister. She was at the University of Utah and probably slept there ten times in those first few years in that house. Mom and Dad got tired of their small bed and kicked me out. Not really. It just became apparent that they needed more room than I did. We switched bedrooms. My brother always had the bedroom downstairs. It was a weird, dark and scary place. I always thought it was overrun with spiders. So, I would never want to stay down there. For years I had the room off the kitchen. It was a noisy room but it was mine. I would watch tv on mom and dad's kingsize bed and when it was time for bed...I would race Maggie the family dog. She would sit by my dad...i would walk about half way there. Dad would say, on your mark, get set, go! I would run for dear life and Maggie would be in hot pursuit. I would leap onto the bed, Maggie would jump up and go for my face trying as best she could to kiss it. It was a great way to go to bed.

Several years later my brother moved out and I realized that downstairs bedroom was a lot better than the one I had. First of all it had a full walk in closet. I could put a twin bed in there. i would have total privacy instead of sharing a bathroom with Daddy. When we decided I would move downstairs I actaully got to pick put wallpaper. We had red, red carpet. Not a lot went with that carpet. I finally found one that I liked. It was a small print of strawberries and the vines they were on. At the time I felt I had picked a pattern that was adult. Now I look at it and cringe. Actaully it is not bad and we had a ton of fun adding to it. I started to get a lot of Strawberry Shortcake items that fit the theme. I loved rearranging the room whenever I felt like it. Mom and Dad rarely came down. The privacy thing was amazing. It was as if I lived in my own apartment. i never had to share a bathroom until company came. Then the basement became hotel central. I still loved it. I had friends that loved coming over and playing Atari, playing the pool table. It was a great place to grow up. I tried once or twice to sneak out but fear took over. i could never climb out of that basement window. It was a lot deeper than it looked.

The piano was behind a small wall. i could easily torment my brother as he played. i loved to run by and try and close the piano as he played. When I tried...he would stop and stand up. He would become stiff, and call out " Find, kill, destroy!" i would scream. he would chase me and mom would always ask, "what did you do?". For years I tinkered on that piano. John was a much better pianist than i was but I liked to think I was pretty good. I dreamed of playing a big concert for a lot of people but I did not have the gift.

The kitchen was always the heartbeat of the house. We found out Cathy was pregnant for the first time when she fainted and hit her head on the stove. Lots of laughter came from that room and many nights of really great food. When my son was born, we would place a thick quilt on the kitchen counter and lay him down. Mom would watch with intensity as he would coo and turn. I would cook dinner and our main attention was on Anthony.

We had wedding showers for Cathy, baby showers for Tony, so many friends and family. I know it is just a home but it was my home. One that now I will never go back to. There won't be a reason to go back. There is no more tie to SLC for me. No reason to go back to my old church were many of my friends still are. Why am i such a baby about all of this? It is just a house. We were not the first ones there but we were the longest residents. It is our home. I am sure that is how my children feel about our present home.

I still feel a bit of loss knowing that I won't be in that house anymore. It is sad and a longing that in time will go away. Bye SLC!